Healing the Little Girl in YOU

Hey Tribe,

I ran fresh out of watching the movie, Little, to write about how Marsai Martin served up the #blackgirlmagic in this film. Okay, I didn't run, but I was super excited to give this young sensation all of her accolades.  I mean she's 14 and already staring in and producing her own film. Not only is that dope, but let's talk about how she's breaking through so many barriers here. To be honest, in my inner teen voice, there's no where to go but up from here.

Getting to the film...

Little depicts Regina Hall as an angry, temperamental, down right unpleasant woman  to be around. Yep, in this movie you see an amplified depiction of the "angry black woman," but what I loved most was the opportunity for us to get the background of why she was so angry.

Warning-- If you haven't seen the movie, this might be the point where you want to stop reading because moving forward there's going to be several spoilers!

Okay, so the film starts of with Jordan Sanders, Marsai Martin's character, as a little girl who experiences bullying. The younger Jordan Sanders is your classic, nerdy, outcasted middle schooler who is in love with science. Our first encounter with her is the showcasing of her science invention at the school fair. She seems confident and carefree in that setting because trusts her own ability to create her experiment. Of course, as soon as she begins to bask in the success of experiment, here comes the bully to steal her spotlight and ruin her experience. Her bully literally throws her experiment into her face which sends her flying into the air and falling into several stacked boxes.

Got to admit, the mom in me shrieked here... WTH...

A few moments later, we see Jordan being pushed out of the hospital by her mom and dad with a broken neck and arm. Her parents offer comfort by telling her that " it is the smart girls who end up winning because they will be the boss.. and no one bullies the boss."

Fast forward, we see Jordan as an successful, rich boss.She no longer appears to be the hurting little Jordan Sanders from her days of bullying. No, she grows up and masks everything with power and money. Unfortunately, money can't heal wounds and success is a multi-dimensional concept. Needless to say, there's a lot she needs to unpack here.

The movie goes on to show us how Jordan not dealing with her childhood trauma hurts her in the long run. Even with her luxury apartment suite, successful company, expensive clothes, shoes and car, she cannot escape the little girl in her that is still hurting and ultimately controlling her behavior. Fortunately for Jordan, she encounters a young girl who sends her back into childhood for her to explore her inner hurt and make some different decisions, but for most of us there is no magic wand to address the experiences of the past. 

Of course the movie was cute, funny and overall awesome, but there's a larger message that requires a glance inward. So let's take those index fingers, spiral them upward, point them in our own direction and blast ourselves back into a time period when we were little........

Yasss--- our very own opportunity to address the little girl in us. How can we support her? What does she need? Here are a few tips to healing and really glowing up.

Go to Therapy- It's probably hard to admit that experience from middle school is still plaguing you, but we saw in this movie how unaddressed hurt turns into larger issues. It may not be blatantly obvious why you won't let anyone get close to you or why you bury yourself in your work/career, just listing examples from the movie, but there may be some much larger more underlying issues here. The awesome thing about therapy is that it allows you to safely unravel your onion and get to the root of whatever is causing your pain/frustration, thought patterns, normalized behaviors, what have you. It's good to be able to explore and it's even better to be able to do that with a licensed person who is trained to do so. 

Identify your Triggers- Now that you've "unraveled your onion" or maybe before, depending on your preferred order, it's time to address your triggers. What are those things that just get under you skin? That really set you off? You know, that THING that if someone does will send you into a frenzy of tears or anger. Okay, well good news if you only have one you're far ahead of the vast majority of people. But for most, we have to look at multiple- which is okay and human too. 

Identifying your triggers may be as simple as just noting it to yourself or you may want to go a step further and write down some things that you noticed being a big deal for you.There's really not much more you can do here. Just identify them. Additional work can come later.

Nurture the Inner You-  You've set up your therapy appointment or been attending session regularly, you've identified your triggers and are likely discussing them with you r therapist. What's left to do? This is where self-love has to come in. In those quiet moments, when you're alone, allow yourself to feel the vulnerability of those emotions. Allow yourself to reflect on those past experiences. Allow yourself to discuss past hurt. 

Also- try to walk in that energy that Jordan Sanders had at the end. You know where she opened herself up to new thoughts and patterns. Where she allowed herself to be vulnerable and to experience some things that she had cut herself off from such as friendship, partnership and connecting to children.

I know this work isn't easy. I know it actually TAKES WORK. But WE can do it and you deserve to be healed, happy and experience all that life has to offer you.

Until next time my blooming peeps, keep growing, keep glowing and keep nurturing the little person inside of you.

Courtney