It has been a while since I have written a blog. Mainly because I wanted to make sure that I have spent the necessary time devoted to healing, growing and loving myself as I have spent putting out content.
I've mentioned it in a blog, a video, and quite frankly to almost anyone who would listen, but 2019 was a hard year for me. I learned a lot, cried a lot and grew closer in my relationship to myself and God. In this time, I really began to explore my journey inward which directly led me to this new, and necessary journey of the inner child. Full disclosure, I did not begin this work completely on my own. I also have my therapist to thank you helped me trace back to the root of a lot of my inner conflict, discomfort and disharmony. Through this exploration, I landed here and became more ready to do this work.
Exploring my inner child, originally felt like a conundrum. I mean, I am in my 30s and to be honest I felt two decades beyond the need to tap into who I once was. After all, the little me has very little to do with the woman I am today...or so I thought. I began talking to, touching and consoling little Courtney. No, I did not literally time travel, but what I did was I allowed myself current self to create some comfort and understanding around my younger self's experiences. Through this exploration, I learned that a lot of my conscious and subconscious thoughts were framed around experiences from childhood. I was shocked by how much from my past still impacted me today.
When I recognized there was still pain and hurt present in this place, I began to dig deep. Most times, I was met with discomfort, but through doing the work, I learned that discomfort was a large indication that those were some of the most necessary places to explore. As a result from shining the light on the dark spaces if you will, I began to heal by addressing trauma and not hiding from it. I know this may be scary and I get that. I found safe ways to explore these feelings, but I have to be honest, it hurt. I would recommend having a way to deal with some of the emotions that might emerge. If you feel uncomfortable or uncertain how to explore, I would recommend utilizing a professional to help you with this task.
In addition to therapy, I used meditation to heal my inner child. Disclaimer- I say healing with the understanding that this is a continuous effort. There is still work to be done. There is still more to explore, but through these tools I was able to add comfort to places where discomfort had been normalized. I was able to forgive myself, and others. I learned that forgiveness was a gateway to releasing me from actions done to me and against me.
Inner child or shadow work (not always used synonymously ) has not only helped to create forward movement for myself, but it has also created stability in relationships outside of myself. Through my healing I am able to connect more genuinely and authentically with my children. It allows me to more readily understand their feelings and needs because I am more present with my own. It allows me to hear their voice, but my younger voice is more present and ready.